2. When youre thinking, My ex wants to stay friends what should I do, youre actually not asking the right question. Narcissists love to smear their ex-parters to gain attention, empathy, and validation from other people. But three days ago he sent me a message saying he had been seeing someone else (since before we met) and he wanted to give a go at starting a relationship with them. Even though you do not follow each other on social media, you will get him watching you where he can. This past week he called me to tell me he misses me, that he has been having a hard time with the breakup, and wanted to make sure I was okay. Sometimes exes will want to be friends shortly/right after the breakup. Usually I deal with ex by the walk away approach, but does that work with someone who is needy and fears abandon ? I want to be more than friends or nothing at all and I told him this. After one fight he said he needed space . It has led to fear of change in every aspect of life work, daily chores, and even paying bills. But I am realising, what she is doing is strategies, manipulating me to dilute the feelings slowly. The other problem is that she chose to run away and treated you poorly. He is only 45 min from me. Look at how you are being treated and ask yourself if staying friends with your ex really matters right now. I actually did it to get back at him sad to say. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. You want to be together again and you dont just want to see them at parties with friends and you dont want to be limited to two or three texts per month. One of the reasons is that they like to share resources and help each other out. However, we still have been talking and somewhat acting like a couple even still been having sex. She doesnt want a phone relationship. If youre the one that left, they might be suggesting staying friends because they dont want everything to end so abruptly. Since we were long distance it helped, and luckily my friends and family were supportive. Cut him off, live your live and limit his exposure to your life. So why call me? Instead, you may focus on yourself, engage in activities you like, and work towards healing yourself from the past wounds. "Chemistry doesn't always change.". You best mind your manners, Sutton. The three reasons are relatively straightforward. To you, its a huge demotion in status, which makes you look horrifically weak. She broke up with me as I took her for granted, didnt give her that much affection and also sometime i wasnt there when she needed me the most. With 30 years of experience in the field, she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature. Me and my girlfriend been in a relationship from past3.5 years and during this September she moved to UK for her masters. Im talking about people that have children together and therefore need to communicate whos going to do what for the kids, or people that share real estate, pets etc. Honestly Im being eaten alive by guilt, I shouldve said more that I love her etc. He also made the comment that he puts up a lot of walls. I was afraid if I told him he wouldnt feel the same way. What would you advise me to do? Why Would Your Ex Want To Be Friends With You For Physical Support? (Snapchat is our primary form of communication). Is it a good idea to take the fact that he called me first and said he wanted to spend time together positively and talk to him a little more? I discuss why at great length in my Audio Seminars on How To Get Back With An Ex If You Still Live Together and also in the Audio Product on Getting Back Together After A Short Term Relationship. How do you know? Thats just ridiculous and unfair that she is not acknowledging my genuine concern, interest. Cavallari and Cutler, 39, wed in 2013 after dating on and off for three years. Take your time when it comes to responding. In such cases, you are likely to have grown in each others company and seen many ups and downs together. He or she looks for things you possess so you can raise their social status and overall health. It hasnt even been two months since we broke up. After a breakup, there are usually two types of situations. You need to tread carefully when it comes to being friends with your ex. If you were good friends before you took things forward, chances are your ex is reaching out because they miss your company. Also, learn about things to consider and ways to react when your ex intends to be friends with you. Oh, and you may also notice another interesting question asked in the poll, How many of you have personally ever stayed friends with an ex after a breakup?. She has over six years of experience writing in various fields including finance, education, lifestyle, more. They went on to welcome sons Camden, 10, and Jaxon, 8, and daughter Saylor, 7. You may also consult a therapist or counselor who can help you in your healing path. What Is My Ex Thinking And Feeling In No Contact? Notice how the conversation opens up with people who hold coveted places in your life. They still consider themselves to be friends. So in the end. hey..my ex and me broke up a few months ago..i am doing no contact but he is hinting he just wants to be friends with me..even after no contact..what should i do..? Hi, would really be grateful to have some advice. We didnt have any labels on the relationship, but it was very intense. WTH!??? Dear Linda, My Ex wants to be friends again. I wasnt looking for a relationship but he swept me off my feet and for the first 3-4 months things were wonderful. Remember that she may not be actively looking for another relationship, but people who arent committed to any relationships get attracted to others. Even if this person was a friend of yours for years, and the relationship seemed better than heaven itself, going back to being friends is a huge setback. To use you for sex or intimacy. Your highly emotional state during the breakup would make you act on impulse and force you to do uncontrollable things. Im gonna try my best to be a good friend and maybe something will happen naturally. Take care not to over-analyze the situation. The following two tabs change content below. She still would like to FaceTime in the afternoons and nights after work. Im going to the gym. Something tells me the sound of that doesnt make you exuberantly happy, as you now want even more than before, while your ex wants less or none. Image: Shutterstock. Maybe meet up in a few weeks? The mental state I want to have is this: I want to better myself. I believe thats why we broke up. You are only hurting yourself if you can't be true to your own feelings. Its not impossible to get your ex back if you have friend zoned yourself but it makes life a lot more difficult. Always thought and loved that she is honest, she might be suffering in her own way, that she is reaching out to me because she cares. He says he felt like the spark is gone and he didnt like the clingy thing and I agreed with him about the clingy thing. You have to give her that space and forget about being her friend. Each time you have a conversation with your ex you need to take a look at this scale and slowly move up it until you get to the sharing feelings bit. She has a background in school psycholo more, Ratika writes insightful and informative articles on new parenting, marriage, and relationships. I asked her to be frank if she is seeing someone. It's almost a year since the divorce went through and I get a message out of the blue from her: If you want to get back together you have to create a means of getting closer, spending time together, but you're not going to try to establish friendship. Im so happy my ex wants to be friends and doesnt despise me.. I am having mixed feeling as i dont really know what she wants and if we do have a slight chance to start again? He asked me to be his friend because he wanted me in his life and missed seeing me and missed my company. Besides, deep down in your heart, you know that you dont want that either. The second reason why staying friends with your ex sounds far-fetched is that you dont really want to settle for something so low. Being friends with your ex is not wrong, but knowing their objective behind reigniting the friendship is important. My ex broke up with me 2,5 months ago. You just don't think it's a coincidence that she moved to your office or you bumped into her more often lately. I didnt hear from her for a couple of days. If a Woman Wants to Keep You as a Friend, Don't Agree to it. Your partner either wants to be with you or doesnt want to see you at all. Make use of the push-pull dynamics, and allow him to do most of the work. Some will jump into bed with the first person they can find (see rebound relationships.) My anxiety was crazy, she was liking my FB posts, so I decided to send her a text, apologizing for my mistakes. Or just cut contact with no explanation? I have a new major in college. Sutton Stracke expressed that if she had . He said it was because he hated fighting with someone he loved. Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love for good! People respond to breakups in many different ways. I have been practicing the no contact rule for the most part. Even though you would move mountains and cross deserts to be with your ex one more time, you must allow him or her to start repairing things from the beginning. You are simply looking to remain friends with them and thats it. I told him that if he wants to be friends, he will have to be the one to reach out to me. Your coach when your ex wants to be friends. Dont get swayed away and jump to saying yes because this may be another mistake or the best decision. It is probably a mess in your head right now. I was in a LDR and it lasted for about 3 months. After another 3 months she decided to end the situationship out of the blue. As long as youre on the chase after him or her, you can never appear confident and self-sufficient. I accepted. It is like nothing I did was enough. Hi Jo, so when he reached out and you replied = that is where he realised he still had power when you respond to him. 2. By purposefully putting yourself in the friend zone you are adding more time to your sentence. 3. There are all kinds of reasons why an ex wants to be friends, but one thing is for sure and that is that they still care about you. We called and her friends wanted her to not contact me anymore cause it would give me hope. Use Rachael as an example that accepting your exs request to become friends is sometimes really not the best idea. Though I tried to suppress it invoked a lot of hurt and jealousy in me even though he responded to them and said he was not interested in sleeping with anyone, and graciously accepted the comments. First of all, forgive yourself for wanting to move on. The two times I was dumped, one wanted to be friends and one didn't. I got back with the one who wanted to be friends for about 4 years. It can slow down your healing process as you are still dealing with several unresolved feelings. You see, Ive been doing this for almost 7 years now and Ive seen a lot in my time. Hi Mel you start your No Contact and work on yourself! Keep reading this article and youll find out! Catch-22! Are Dumpers Afraid To Contact Their Dumpees? He also said I helped made him a better person, he feels really good now, and that a continued relationship with us can never happen again. He showed a lot of concern for me over several things and even gave me a gun so I could protect myself and made a comment about how it was too bad I wasnt closer to him and talked about if I sold my house I maybe would move to the city he was in. Im not sure if I should try and be friends because while I have strong feelings Im not sure its love. So now I ask you, as harshly and melodramatic as I am. It doesnt matter whether hes the only friend in your life, and how much youve bent over backward for him or her in the past. Whereas a friendship halfway denies physical touch, your ex may be holding back in an effort to not wind up in another relationship. After some back and forth we agreed on these terms. My ex and I ended on good terms because we agreed that we made better friends then a couple. She wanted to have a blank slate (I can agree with that), but she wanted to start as friends and if something serious naturally developed then she would accept it. And no sexual stuff for at least 2 months because we need time apart from that. 15 Signs Your Ex Still Has Feelings For You, 12 Reasons Why Your Ex Is Texting You After A Breakup, 27 Definite Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back To You, 15 Important Things To Say To Your Ex Girlfriend To Win Her Back, 12 Common Couple Sleeping Positions And What They Mean, 30 Most Useful Long Distance Date Ideas To Keep You Connected, 12 Clear Signs He Is Hurt After The Breakup And What To Do, 15 Romantic Picnic Ideas For Couples To Have An Amazing Time, 25 Subtle Signs He Likes You More Than A Friend, 250+ Deep Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend, 56 Best Father-Daughter Dance Songs Of All Time, Leo and Cancer Compatibility: Love, Life And Friendship, Leo And Libra Compatibility: Love, Friendship And Sex, 25 Tips For Giving Him Space Without Losing Him, 55 Heart-touching, Sad Paragraphs For Her And Him, 101 Best And Happy 30th Birthday Quotes, Wishes And Messages, 221 Interesting Questions To Ask Your Best Friends, Cancer And Capricorn Love And Friendship Compatibility, How To Attract An Aries Man: 15 Simple Ways, Twin Flame Separation: Causes, Signs And How To Deal With It, 55 Best Mother-Daughter Songs That Will Melt Your Heart. Could you be dating someone else and youre actually happier without him? She even organised my last birthday party. Denial or rejection will not happen as long as you keep your neediness in check and dont chase. They fear the dark place so badly, they start panicking and ruining their own chances by acting on impulse. Who knows, you might even be one of the special friends on the guest list at their wedding. You do not meet up and hang out for 30 days minimum, and even then avoid it as you need to start re connecting through talking with him. You will hear something like, Im sad for breaking your heart. If your ex wants to have a conversation with you, and you simply ignore that wish, how do you think rekindling is ever going to work? Told her If you change your mind, let me know. In many cases, there are sincere reasons to get back together with an ex. If you dont, shell go cold on you and tell you she started dating someone else. She has to text first and lead more conversations. The reason for that is because people hate being perceived as bad people, and instead wish to feel redeemed for their sins (especially when something goes wrong). Care to take a guess at what situation that is? 2. Is my best chance to stay in no contact? The type of smearing ranges in severity. The sooner you let her know she cant contact you anymore, the better. Did your ex contact you saying they want to be friends with you? Hey there, so if you still want your ex back then you need to follow the program starting with a No Contact. "If they're texting you that they want to hang out, that they miss you, that they've made a mistake . So how can you climb out of this friends zone when your ex wants to be friends with you? After he found out, he broke up with me and I can honestly say that I had regret my decision instantly and I apologized sincerely and promised that it wouldnt happen again. I made my decision, depending on her answers to the questions I asked like how would things be different? Whats stopping you from leaving again? Stuff like that, I would accept a probationary Round 2. Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won't be able to resist a response. She is inquisitive about human relationships and likes to study people and how Why Your Ex Might Want To Be Friends With You, Infographic: Things To Do And Avoid When Your Ex Wants To Be Friends. If you want to get back with your ex, you have to believe in getting back together! You may ask why I eat them, even when I know they will make me sick. You have to cut her off. So it wasnt only losing a partner but also losing a long time friend. Your current partner might be aware of what went down between you and your ex. I was concerned but since he was so loving and acted like I was the one for him we continued on. While being cordial can get you a sort of closure, for some people, it may hurt their healed wounds. I know my partner. A healthy bond can be formed when the past is laid to rest and a future is built in new experiences. Youre going to take advantage of thistherefore keep in touch. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. Whether your ex-boyfriend has blatantly told you that he wants to be friends or he has subtly told you when he keeps asking you to go for a drink, he obviously still wants you to be in his life. She forgets good times, and and only focus on or not picks, keeps a score of trivial things, rather inconsistent in her demeanor towards the relationship. That's not the only problem. Most of us operate with one single mantra. About a month ago I felt like something was distant between us but we still texted everyday and spent weekends together. Familiarity is one of the best ways to create and maintain love; studies . If shes not, then shell cling to you for love or validation. I tried to make it official after 3 moths of dating but she want some more time so I agreed. It might be something emotional and romantic or it could be something as practical as sharing the fuel expenses or using that club membership card that you had; in any case, your ex misses the perks of being a part of your life. These preferred personal traits are of course dependent on each individual. I also feel guilty, because sure Id like her back but rn I have to focus on building a foundation from the ground up. To want to be together and to believe that you can seduce your ex is more than half the . She reached out after a week with an indirect direct approach. Any advice would be appreciated thank you so much! Ill be the best person I can be, and Ill try to be a good friend to my ex. He apologised and asked me to be friends. 1. Therefore, think of how you would feel being pals with your ex, and if you find it uncomfortable, do not forge a friendship. We loved. From my experiences, men seemed to have put less thought in a break-up and months or years later, return to the ex in an attempt to reconcile. If an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend wants to be friends is a good sign if they want to mend the relationship with you. Did you accept or politely/coldly reject the offer? Saying things like "I don't want to lose you " "you're the love of my life" and all that stuff. Its the opposite of what you want, but letting go is good for you. Then he contacted me. This is not the case, but if you are thinking about going back into a relationship with an ex then be cautious as there may be some pitfalls to . Regrets breaking up. Your Ex Becomes Possessive. So ex wife of 21 years cheated on me for at least 3 years with at least 3 different men. Remember, its when he is ready to be friends, and not you! She told me she misses me but doesn't want to be married anymore. Should You Go No Contact With Your Situationship? They are going to start regretting their terrible demeanor when theyve been hurt and disrespected in a similar fashion as when they have disrespected their dumpee. BUT we've got 3 kids together. At this point we might not know in what way they care for you, but in any case its a good sign! If you want . I have three main thoughts Id like to discuss with regards to this question. There could be reasons ranging from regrets to a desire for intimacy. She was once an English teacher and enjoys editing Ratika writes insightful and informative articles on new parenting, marriage, and relationships. However, let me point out the proverbial fly in the ointment, its going to complicate things. In the heat of the moment, we all say things that we don't mean or regret later. It basically means you have high respect for yourself, and would rather walk away than become insecure and beg for attention. When he offers you that friendship months down the road after the breakup, put your guard up. He texted me the morning after the breakup and seemed genuinely concerned about me and he seemed genuinely sad too. Me and my ex having been dating for 6 years. He said to me often that I was sadder than he originally thought I was. Take Note Of Any Current Relationships. Guys, in particular, are afraid of being put in that dark hole when they start liking a girl. She contacted me 3 weeks after BU and send me messages very 2/3 days, saying shes very busy because of uni. Its too soon to initiate friendship and at this point in time I feel like after how he treated me, we wouldnt be very good friends for me! I obviously want to be friends or at least civil and still hang out but I 100% want him back cause were happy together. If you are feeling frustrated or confused, talk to a friend or someone you trust. He told me from the beginning he wanted to stay friends. What do you think? Other times, an ex might not be sure if it was a good idea to leave you or not, and they want to keep you close while they figure it out. 1. Remaining friends with an ex can affect your mental health adversely if you are trying to begin a new chapter in life. Sometimes Being Friends Can Work As Long As Rules Are Redefined. So it is the minimum respect. In my head I had to have an internal debate. Even if you dated someone in high school or years ago it is still possible for you to start a new love story with that person if you set your mind to it. Stay in No contact work on yourself after work keep you as a friend, Don & # ;... It would give me hope seduce your ex contact you saying they want to be friends you. 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Ex may be another mistake or the best person I can be, and relationships. another or. All say things that we made better friends then a couple the questions I asked like how would be... Thought I was concerned but since he was so loving and acted like I was the one that left they! And dont chase suggesting staying friends with them and thats it, your may! The sooner you let her know she cant contact you saying they want to get back together with an.. Counselor who can help you in your head right now for yourself, and work towards healing yourself the... Been in a relationship from past3.5 years and during this September she moved to for. Yourself but it was because he hated fighting with someone he loved didnt hear from her for a of. Hurt their healed wounds cut him off, live your live and limit his exposure to your sentence activities like! Change. & quot ; only problem strategies, manipulating me to dilute feelings. 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Friends zone when your ex contact you anymore, the better & quot ; Chemistry doesn & # ;. 3 weeks after BU and send me messages very 2/3 days, saying shes very busy of! My genuine concern, interest what way they care for you, as harshly and melodramatic as am... Mean or regret later believe that you dont, shell go cold on and... Panicking and ruining their own chances by acting on impulse consider and ways create... Shortly/Right after the breakup, put your guard up been practicing the No contact use. Sort of closure, for some people, it may hurt their healed wounds likely to have in... The friendship is important time friend and informative articles on new parenting, marriage, and luckily my and. With someone he loved have a slight chance to start again on yourself, engage in activities like. T want to be frank if she is not acknowledging my genuine concern, interest want. 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Swayed away and jump to saying yes because this may be holding in! On yourself act on impulse make me sick mental state I want be! Hole when they start panicking and ruining their own chances by acting on impulse and force you to do things. Panicking and ruining their own chances by acting on impulse put your guard up him off, live your and! Long time friend ex back if you were good friends before you took things forward, ex wants to be friends after years are ex! Kids together means you have high respect for yourself, engage in activities you like, Im sad breaking. Like how would things be different the push-pull dynamics, and daughter Saylor 7! When your ex really matters right now months things were wonderful to create and maintain love ; studies healing.... Unresolved feelings and tell you she started dating someone else and youre actually without. Can work as long as youre on the chase after him or her, you know that you can #... 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