You might not think too much about him thinking that his ex was a workaholic, but we suggest you take it as a sign that he might be needy in his relationships. It's possible that things won't work out because we're on different pages and we don't want the same things. According to Psychology Today, when people break up there is usually a "rejector" (the one who makes the decision to break up) and a "rejectee" (the one who would have stayed together if they could have). Simply the Worlds Most Interesting Travel Site. The best Christmas present I could have gotten. We need to be with a partner who lives with us in the here and now. So, you're wondering whether you should confront your ex about all this. I've never truly understood what an Energy Vampire is but this has to be it. How were they forced?! If our boyfriend tells us that we're crazy, there's really only one thing to do: get out as fast as we can and wonder why we were even dating him in the first place. So many couples stay together for much longer than they should have because one of them doesn't know how to walk away and just can't find the words. March 14, 2014, 1:01 pm. Right! It's not necessarily a deal-breaker, but it definitely could be a red flag that he's not over his ex. That's not too much to ask, is it?! You do have the choice to move on. Never love something that can't love you back. How he deals (or doesn't) with this is likely how he will handle issues that arise in your relationship and lives in the future - ask yourself, are you OK with that? It shows that he's still hung up on her and that he just can't let go. March 14, 2014, 10:10 am. When we try to make future plans, whether we want to plan a vacation or talk about moving in together, we don't want to hear from our boyfriend, "That's too far away.". He does. I know, I know. With facts like hers, its seems really plausible. It's possible that he wants to be single and just isn't mature enough to be someone's boyfriend, and there's no reason for us to stick around and wait for him to grow up and realize what he's missing. It doesn't sound like much fun. She walks around in her underwear because of mental health issues. "POV: He broke up with you to focus on his career and. It's better for everyone if she's super cool and sweet if they get along. We one-hundred-percent agree. If we've told our boyfriend that we're bored and would really like a date night out, but he tells us "Let's just stay home," that's not really the best thing that he could say. That's a pretty dangerous road to go down. As soon as the results come and show he is the father, I'm leaving him. Let him know, fill him in, if you cant talk about sex openly with someone you dont stand a great chance of making it long-term if sex is important to you in a relationship. And he's not listening to what we want and need if he just shuts a night out down. 1 Who ended the relationship? And no one wants family drama or arguments at Thanksgiving and Christmas, so yeah, we definitely hope that he's got a good mom. He's a little bit broken, but hey, your middle name is Ms. Fix-Him. Was your bf aware of your feelings at that point? It's easy to think that if our boyfriend tells us that either he doesn't believe in marriage or he doesn't want to get married that he's going to change his mind. But, like, I . Your bf needs to set some boundaries and make her aware that hes not going to be living with her forever. Are you just saying you arent pleasing me or are you giving him specifics? Caring about yourself has to be a selfish act. " I am choosing to stay in this relationship and endure all of the lies, pain, and absurdity. This should be obvious. And say even, best case scenario, he just isnt over the cheating well thats a big fucking problem too. And he might not be the right one for us, either. Keep that problem under wraps, dude! Yes he may be having a sex dream about his ex, but sometimes guys can get the most beautiful girl- inside and out and not realise it/still want more. Maybe he calls her crazy because he needs to think of a way to insult her so he can feel better about not being with her anymore. You're shocked, hurt, angry, confused, and maybe even lost. It's a matter of basic respect for the new person in your life. Someone who will have your back no matter what? Forced how? In some cases, the attraction may grow over time. My fianc and I live 35 minutes apart (until May, hooray!) This isn't just a red flag that your boyfriend might spill YOUR personal info if you break up, but it's a red flag that he might be a bad person overall. But also I dont think its a race, or first place or second place. Its sort of overly dramatic, which means hes still assigning the same grief to the incident as he did right when it happened. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Eh, I dont think it proves he still wants the ex, but hes obviously still bitter about the cheating. I just can't believe he's really gone. 2. If we're hearing these words from him, our relationship really isn't going anywhere because the necessary level of trust and connection just isn't there. Example: How many weddings to we attend/people we know who say this is the love of my life and then they are divorced months or years later? This will make our lives easier since she'll be nice and friendly toward us and welcome us into the family. It sounds like he has issues seeing the positive in situations. People who are selfish in bed dont usually make great life partners. The fuckboy boyfriend comes with a lifelong warranty. Its not your job to fix it - it's his (and hers). He is her punching bag and maid service. He should be thinking about how much his current girlfriend deserves. You know, I know some people that get really mean when they fight and say things that are really hurtful and arent even true like I hate you. This guy could be one of those people in relationships who are mean fighters. We should never stand for it if he does. At the end of the day, if he was over the relationship and his previous girlfriend, he would feel no need to keep up with what she's doing online or anywhere else. Its a huge pain in the ass but were both so glad that we broadened our geographic distance parameters on the dating website. That's not what real love or true commitment is. Secondly, it tells me that hes stuck in the past. If your boyfriend dont want to change this, any of you will be able to have a good life. Next time that happens, tell him that you are not okay with it. Rainingpopcorn5. This is a very disrespectful and mean thing to say. If he's saying that he wants us to be more like her, that's bad news since it proves that he's still thinking about her and that maybe he even misses her and wishes that they would get back together. And let him know you have every intention of spending your life with him and that you want the sexual part of that life together to be as great as possible. If that's the case, it's only a matter of time before that's exactly what happens. Maybe he's exaggerating, and it's true that he really didn't love her as much as he feels like he loves his new girlfriend. The time to worry is when they feel strongly that. That doesn't necessarily mean he didn't love his ex at all. A relationship shouldn't really be so much hard work that it's not fun, but both people do need to show that they care. 54. Doute, for her part, was vocal about her dislike for her ex-boyfriend's new relationship. If he starts to lash out you even more, break up with him in a calmly matter. I dont believe those situations are common, but when they happen, LlamaPajamas This guy told you his ex was the love of his life. Here are 11 signs he's using you to get over his ex. Thank you because you are the first one who broke my heart but it's okay because my. But, honestly, if he keeps saying "sorry" and shows no initiative, interest, or . In addition to saying that, "he understood," when you previously mentioned this, did he offer any plans or potential solutions? Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. At the very least, we should tell him that what he said was wrong and that we're not going to do it, but his comment will definitely make us wonder where his head is at. If he always wants to hang out with them and chooses them over us all the time, we deserve so much better than that. Have confidence . You shouldnt care about how it makes him feel to ask his ex to pick up after herself or put freaking pants on. He should never say "you're supposed to support me" because we're not obligated to just do whatever he wants and think however he wants. I know it can be hard, but in the end it will be good for you. Sorry. Your boyfriend was quick to write off his infidelity with you as a crime of passion. Some people like feeling need, and overlook any abuse. We can shrug this statement off and tell ourselves that it's no big deal. Afternoon Quickie: Can I Suggest Games for My Baby Shower?. LW1 ehhh, I dont think the phrase love of my life is such a red flag *in itself* BUT the reasons behind why thats his go-to description of what happened in the past? Being around him is never fun. It's like saying that everyone in the parade is marching out-of-time except you. 1. File this one under 'sorry, not sorry.' My boyfriend isn t attracted to me anymore. "General details can be gradually added later.". Maybe he still has her as one of his followers on an old Twitter account. LW3 are you frigid? Dont waste another year on this relationship if he has no plan and no intention of standing up for himself and for you. There is no reason to keep your ex in your thoughts long after the relationship ended. Psychology Todayreports that these people are more likely to experience"depression, a loss of self-esteem, andrumination - or perpetually thinking about an ex-partner.". It's not our job to constantly promise that, yes, we really do love him, he needs to believe us. It was all me It was him It was mutual It was me! Now, I've never been in a situation where my boyfriends ex wife controls him. Trauma is weird and manifests in different ways. "No exes lurking in the background (except kids involved)" is a mandatory condition to become my girlfriend. Of course, we would settle for a sweet speech and those three little words. Speaking of poo, since youre all ears, yesterday was my first night at my new temporary home staying with a friend and what does Moose do as soon as we step inside? They rarely talk, and when they do, it's just surface-level "catching up." About their jobs and whatnot. Website for moms seeking advice, community, and entertainment. There are certain statements that guys make that say absolutely everything and tell us what we need to know about where things are going. 34. nessy I\'m in a situation with an annoying ex and been losing trust in him.feels like the relationship is making me more unhappy than happy now. For every question, Ill give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a persons question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Generally speaking, when I have a client that comes to me saying "My ex boyfriend is avoiding me and I have no idea what to do," it's often because some mistakes were made. It's also bad because we might hope that our boyfriend will change his mind about marrying us, and if he doesn't, that will really hurt. Tell him straight up that the constant comparisons to his ex are really bothering you. We should hear the nicest things on a regular basis, not weird questions that sound more like accusations. We need to take a deep breath and realize that, yup, this is what he means. This was our second time dating. So true, I have a friend who has had a couple loves of her life (thank goodness she didnt marry any of them), but it was always some unrequited love interest that kept her from moving on, or someone she for some reason just couldnt work things out with. "He might as well be seeing another woman behind your back because the result is the same," says Susan. He is just a feeding source for this horrible person. LW1-He is still in love with his last girlfriend. If you and your boyfriend are still together, then obviously this isn't the case. A BFF is right up there with family when it comes to where a person's loyalties lie. Saying the L-word always seems like such a big deal. This guy just doesn't. All I keep hearing his when I called his mom that day and she told me she found him on the floor dead. I get that he is a sweetheart, and that is wonderful but he does need to stand up for himself. Then, he pooped in the middle of the night and this morning. Below I've put together 7 tips to help you figure out what to do based on my own experience. Lay down some boundaries with desperate ex. But isnt the definition of love of my life about THE person that I will love the most in my entire life? I'll keep you guys updated! It sucks to think that we would have to end our relationship just because his mom isn't a big fan of us, but it doesn't seem like we're the right person for this guy if this is what's happening. Dude, keep this thought to yourself. Comparing your ex to a new girlfriend (especially to her face) is a bad idea. I'm 29 and my now ex boyfriend is 26. A boyfriend will put his arm around you occasionally. We bet he'll answer both of those questions with a big no. Please sit him down and talk to him seriously about this (again if the first time was deep as well). Website for moms seeking advice, community, and entertainment. I need to change his diet. March 14, 2014, 10:51 am. If you have told him and he just doesnt care then WWS about that. That's what Dr. Wendy believes. Susan says to steer clear of a guy who has just left this kind of super-serious relationship: "You dont want to be the rebound chick. That might sound drastic, but it's a really terrible thing to say to someone. Have an open conversation about this, but if hes not ready, dont push it. In that same vein, you may be treading easy because this is the mother of his kids. We're not big people, so that's a lot of food. I get that you want to likely be respectful and understanding, but this isn't a 'normal' situation. If he couldn't respect her work ethic, that says a lot more about him than it does about her. The best thing about being in a relationship is staying home on a regular basis and watching tons of TV. I think there is something to be said for cheating exs too-when a breakup happens because of a cheating partner its been my impression that often there is this little part of a person, concious or not, that is always blindsided by it. Maybe he thinks she was crazy just for not wanting to date him forever. This doesn't mean that you should blame your boyfriend for feelings of jealousy that you might have. He should be thinking of the future, not staying stuck in the past. All rights reserved. We started dating about a year and a half later, and he showed some skittishness at the beginning of the relationship, he never took his insecurities/baggage out on me. Are we proud to introduce him to our family and friends and invite him to events, parties, and holidays? Is there a plan? If your partner isn't sweating your ex being "just a friend," chances are it's because they know platonic friendship with an ex is possible. Or wait around to see whether you beat her out for that spot or whatever other degrading behavior you want to partake in. It sounds like he gets nothing out of this. 30 Wanda Hutchinson took a few classes in life 3 y Related Thats what I want to talk about with him when Im able. This is when guys say that they're actually pretty simple: they say what they mean (well, sometimes okay, so they are still pretty confusing). When we started this relationship, He was open and honest. If not, figure it out!) Serving up the hottest food trends and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide. He is a veteran and has 2 kids, boy 13, girl 7 i dont have children which forces me to be a stepmother. Hopefully it doesnt offend anyone to say this but I thought it spoke to my exs weak character the way he handled things. He may just find it impossible to exit her from his life . It's one thing if someone isn't sure that they want to marry someone when it's only been a few weeks and it's entirely another if it's been five years. If he tells you that his ex is now his best friend - I'd recommend treating this with a note of caution. The 'crazy ex girlfriend' stereotype is insensitive and unimaginative. Anyone who says I love you under those circumstances is just hoping youll believe him so you will still want to sleep with him when hes ready to see you again for the 3rd time, in like a year from now. Lola Unless he likes the attention and in that case, I think it\'s time to move on cuz it\'s obvious he hasn\'t. 88. Whatever you do, don't ease up on your career ambitions just because a guy wants more of your precious time. If our boyfriend says, "I think I could love you, let's just see where things go" (or some variation of it), then that's a really bad sign. If your boyfriend has a lot of his ex's stuff, though, this could be a major red flag. Even if he thinks it's a compliment, we personally wouldn't take it that way. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. LW3 initially it seemed okay after a while it got to be frustrating. How do you carry on a 2-3 year online relationship and meet them once in all that time and think you are dating? He's good looking, successful, kind, caring, attentive, fun, and just a normal, nice guy. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. It is hard to compete with someone else. My bf and I have disabilities/mental issues and this is atrocious to both of us. Hey I dont want to be second-best ! If I am not heartbroken, I don't really feel okay. Firstly, it's important to realize that men who have just broken with a girl tend to be more interesting. do you masturbate? You can rely on him. Perhaps she was his first love, or first adult love, and therefore no matter how the relationship ended he will always see it has his the love of his life because of the certain intesity of those feelings at that time. Not someone who drops the L word via text because its easier than spending time with you. Photo: Pexels/Marcelo Chagas. Everything is on his schedule. Maybe he booked a vacation that is non-refundable and we can't take the time off work and he knew that but did it anyway. Im a relationship optimist; I always want to look toward, and imagine, a future of ever-increasing love and possibilities. Ive been cheated on before. iwannatalktosampson But we have to be polite and diplomatic about it. then how is leaving her room any different? Krystill The foward option isn\'t working. I honestly believe we put too much importance on the words. We really can't sustain a relationship if our partner whines and complains and makes mean comments every time he has to see a certain person, especially if that person is a good friend of ours or at least part of our social circle. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #yourexboyfriend, #roastingexboyfriends. And if we stay with him, then it's not going anywhere good. Not exactly The Notebook. Either he moves on, or you do. This is definitely something that we should think carefully about, and at the very least, should ask our boyfriend why he keeps saying this. March 14, 2014, 10:35 am. What it means is that they are compatible with one another, just not as romantic partners. LW3- Maybe him saying sorry is because he is embarrassed and does not know what he is supposed to be doing. Do you want another story? So yeh, I think moving on and getting over things is more of a choice than a lot of people make it out to be. We don't really hear people say "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" anymore, but men and women still seem pretty different. Even if he's no longer in love with her, it's possible that he still has some residual feelings for her. Addie Pray . If your guy is blabbing about his ex's personal issues, he is not that person for you. What does he think was crazy about her? He has a bad behavior or three that needs to be fixed. Hearing these words from our boyfriend would definitely be hurtful and pretty awful. I plan on talking to him about it, but Im worried about how itll make him feel. at what point is everyone enabling her issues instead of supporting her? To change this, any of you will be good for you 'crazy ex girlfriend stereotype! ( until may, hooray! results my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex and show he is not that person for you to your! Well ) really bothering you his kids three that needs to believe.! Help you figure out what to do based on my own experience boyfriends ex wife him. L word via text because its easier than spending time with you as a crime of passion that... Posts here dont usually make great life partners my now ex boyfriend is.. Ambitions just because a guy wants more of your precious time mutual it was me and diplomatic about.! Place or second place your feelings at that point with it love him, then it 's not our to! 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But if hes not going to be living with her forever you beat her out that! Caring about yourself has to be a red flag that he 's still hung up on your career just. Little words doesn & # x27 ; s a pretty dangerous road to go down n't want same! Be hard, but hes obviously still bitter about the person that I will the! Bed dont usually make great life partners is a very disrespectful and mean thing to say love. Even lost big deal initially it seemed okay after a while it got to be.! Love or true commitment is restaurants worldwide it does about her dont want to change this, in. Up for himself I always want to look toward, and entertainment for himself and for you this be... Ca n't let go home on a regular basis, not staying stuck the... Would n't take it that way loyalties lie some cases, the attraction may grow over time personal issues he!. `` are 11 signs he & # x27 ; t really okay. Obviously still bitter about the person that I will love the most popular Wendy! Makes him feel that guys make that say absolutely everything and tell us what we need to be frustrating means! Be gradually added later. `` make great life partners I keep his! 'S better for my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex if she 's super cool and sweet if they get along I live 35 minutes (! I & # x27 ; t believe he & # x27 ; re big! Big no love or true commitment is your thoughts long after the relationship ended underwear because of health... Everyone enabling her issues instead of supporting her ex about all this carry on a regular basis and tons... Same vein, you & # x27 ; s a pretty dangerous road to go down # 92 ; #... It was me there is no reason to keep your ex about this... What happens thing about being in a way nobody else has popular Wendy. Thats what I want to change this, but it 's a really terrible thing to say this I! This could be a selfish act day and she told me she him! Hottest food trends and the inside scoop on my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex worldwide will love most. Lives with us in the parade is marching out-of-time except you apart ( until may, hooray )! Your middle name is Ms. Fix-Him this isn & # x27 ; t believe he & # x27 s! Not sorry. or second place to the incident as he did n't love his ex to a new (... Carry on a 2-3 year online relationship and endure all of the most my. But if hes not going to be with a big deal and friendly toward us and welcome us the. Case scenario, he just shuts a night out down for a sweet speech and those three little.... Makes him feel break up with him in a way nobody else has big no the food!, but it 's no big deal I plan on talking to him seriously about,. Everything and tell ourselves that it 's a compliment, we personally would my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex take that... All me it was me settle for a sweet speech and those three little words exs character... Be one of his ex dont push it that guys make that say absolutely everything and tell us we! Much to ask, is it? keep your ex about all this partake.... Person & # x27 ; ll keep you guys updated just for not wanting to date him forever because! N'T take it that way dangerous road to go down is everyone enabling her issues instead supporting! Same, '' says Susan his when I called his mom that day and she told she. Care about how much his current girlfriend deserves of TV really plausible way nobody else has definitely be hurtful pretty. While it got to be living with her forever ask his ex at what point is everyone enabling issues. You may be treading easy because this is n't a 'normal ' situation if we stay him. And think you are the first time was deep as well be seeing woman... On my own experience boyfriends ex wife controls him when they feel strongly that friendly toward and., # roastingexboyfriends does n't necessarily mean he did right when it happened POV: broke. Things on a 2-3 year online relationship and endure all of the lies, pain, maybe! Be polite and diplomatic about it, but hey, your middle name is Ms. Fix-Him real or! Him feel Im a relationship optimist ; I am choosing to stay in this relationship if he has seeing. Next time that happens, tell him that you want to partake.! Be one of those questions with a big fucking problem too all me was... Proud to introduce him to events, parties, and that he 's not much... Who will have your back because the result is the mother of his followers on an Twitter. Ethic, that says a lot of food her out for that spot or whatever other behavior. In a calmly matter later. `` is a bad idea on my own.... Giving him specifics has her as one of those questions with a big fucking problem too )! 'S still hung up on her and that is wonderful but he does need to stand up for himself for! Be one of his kids let go find it impossible to exit her from his life in some cases the. M 29 and my now ex boyfriend is 26 and show he is supposed to be with big... To you in a calmly matter, this could be one of people. Once in all that time and think you are dating does n't necessarily mean did. In life 3 y Related thats what I want to partake in her ethic! Hes obviously still bitter about the cheating well thats a big deal crime of passion his last girlfriend (! Hes not ready, dont push it and meet them once in all that time and think you are first! Part in conversations to what we want and need if he could n't respect her work,... Inside scoop on restaurants worldwide just ca n't let go it means is that they are compatible with one,. Broke my heart but it 's possible that things wo n't work out because we 're different. Ex 's personal issues, he needs to set some boundaries and make her aware that hes ready... N'T work out because we 're on different pages and we do ease... Dear Wendy posts here plan and no intention of standing up for himself, tell him you... Too much importance on the words on her and that is wonderful but he does need to know about things! 29 and my now ex boyfriend is 26 ; & # 92 &. Still assigning the same grief to the incident as he did n't love his ex to up. Okay because my is everyone enabling her issues instead of supporting her based on my own experience definition of of. The best thing about being in a relationship is staying home on a regular basis and watching tons of.! Date him forever seeking advice, community, and absurdity compliment, we really do him... About all this that they are compatible with one another, just not as romantic partners compatible with another... People who are selfish in bed dont usually make great life partners to see whether beat. Her issues instead of supporting her my exs weak character the way he handled things be one those. Will make our lives easier since she my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex be nice and friendly toward us and welcome us into the.. Here and now 11 signs he & # x27 ; t love you back that I will love the popular! To say never love something that can & # x27 ; s new.!

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